Unlearning Independence

Lately…. I’ve been thinking about what it really means to receive.

Not just accepting help when I’m exhausted.

Not just saying thank you when someone shows up.

But really receiving… without guilt, without over-explaining, without feeling like I’m interrupting something for someone.

For a long time, I told myself I didn’t need anyone!!!

I framed it I N D E P E N D E N T

But if I’m being honest, that was rooted in strength and fear !

Fear of being a burden.

Fear of owing someone.

I didn’t realize how much I struggled with this until I encountered a friendship that moved faster than my defenses.

Someone who didn’t hesitate.

Someone who didn’t need convincing.

Someone who didn’t ask ten questions before saying, “Okay, let’s do it.”

And instead of feeling comforted, I felt… uncomfortable.

I started holding things back.

Not because I didn’t trust … but because I didn’t trust receiving!

Somewhere along the way, I learned that “need” = weakness

What I also began to notice is that this wasn’t one sided…

This person struggled to receive too.

Even small gestures felt heavy t like they came with an expiration date.

This person once shared that people tend to leave their life.

And I realized that when you expect loss, you learn how to survive without attachment.

You learn how to give, but not how to stay.

You learn how to show up, but not how to lean in.

And maybe that’s why God allowed our paths to cross again.

Because healing doesn’t always come through solitude.

Sometimes it comes through safe relationships…. ones that don’t rush you, but don’t disappear either.

Now that I’m back in Texas, I feel God gently inviting me into something new.

Not just a friendship… but a lesson!

A lesson in letting my guard down.

Sometimes obedience looks like opening your hands instead of tightening your grip.

I’m learning that being a receiver doesn’t make me weak.

It makes me honest.

It makes me human.

It makes room for healing that I can’t orchestrate on my own.

And maybe….. just maybe….. this friendship isn’t just about what we give each other.

Maybe it’s about what God wants to heal in both of us

through the simple, terrifying, sacred act

of letting someone stay.